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Lab report

Oh my god oh my god. It's Friday today, and I want to update the thing about my lab report. Like some miracle, Prof Norbert extended the deadline by 24 hours because the Turnitin was crashing from large volumes of people doing the plagiarism check! :O HOW LUCKY AM I? I really believed it was god, or Buddha helping me, because I was crying the night before submission. I was crying because I felt so guilty that I didn't put in effort to start early. I felt so much regret as I was approaching the deadline, yet I was only halfway done. I cried while my roommate slept. I cried while thinking "I'm so sorry mummy. You work so hard for me, but I don't study as hard as you work." I was so relieved. I actually concentrated on doing my lab report for most of the extra time given. I didn't even watch "I Hear Your Voice" that I was watching, and couldn't stop watching. I fell asleep on my desk, didn't sleep on my bed for 2 nights, had to skip many lessons for 2 days (I only went for lab and Thai), but thankfully I handed my lab report on time :') Thank you. I want to be more consistent with my homework from now on, then I won't dread the amount of workload at the end so much. I want to reduce the activation energy of doing work by doing it bit by bit. I really hope I can change for the better. I think Buddha was giving the chance to redeem myself, to save my CAP from dropping until it was unsalvageable. I didn't end up submitting 1 day late! And I thank everyone who has helped me. Thank you. I thank myself too.

I finally could sleep after finishing my lab report. Even though I felt I didn't do a good job with it, I think I made progress with myself. Even now, I still feel so envious of medical students especially when I see them wearing the white doctor's coat. I keep thinking: if I studied as hard as I could back in JC, would I be wearing that coat now? I know it's too late to think that, and I'm not even sure whether I really want to be a doctor. But what I know is I want to study hard. I don't want to fail myself. I don't want to fail my parents.

From now on, I want to be a good student. I want to study before I play. I want to change. I want to be a person I am proud of. I want to adopt a good lifestyle. I want to sleep early. I want to exercise and slim down. I want to treat the scars on my legs. I want to become a successful actress.

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WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN?! WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MYSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE? I'm so sorry mummy. You're always so hardworking to raise me, but I never studied hard. Now my lab report is going to be late. Why do I always regret only when it's too late, but I repeat it again and again every time even though I know the consequences? I really hope this is the last time. Do not repeat your mistakes please Huai Tian. I feel so exhausted at my own behaviour and how I always give in to watching shows until I'm right before the deadline. Why am I like that? I even went to visit the counsellor. Why can't I change? I feel so bad for my mum... that she only has one daughter but I turned out like this. Please. I want to pull back my grades back up. PLEASE