Ok so yesterday I went to bai nian at godparents' house.
Godma asked me in front of like 6 people that I don't know whether I still want Lego. And apparently recently there was an episode where Mama introduced the Godsis as her goddaughter to someone, and Godsis asked “为什么这么见外？” Then Mama asked me if I was willing to be called her 'daughter' as well.
In my brain I was thinking "wtf?". I had never registered in my mind that there was such a big difference, especially since they had no biological daughters. Hello I call you Mama and Daddy, not Godma and Godpa. So maybe it was just me who thought that it's no big diff. But sometimes the diff becomes so painfully obvious.
Then I said sure.
Sometimes my brain gets stuck in the present. I can't find words to defend myself. Only after thinking about it for hours, or in the shower or in bed, then I find the words coming to me.
Godsis is one of a kind la. Her actual surname is Chua but she says her surname is Ong. Lol.
She spent more time at godparents' house than her own, when they were still neighbours.
On the other hand, I lived 1 hour away from them.
Godparents were sending me to the MRT. And I asked why she 干 her 2nd and 3rd goddaughters, and she just ignored the 2nd one LOL. One day, she met Godsis' mother at Central (probably out for groceries), and Godsis' mum seemed worried. She was pregnant with Godsis, but she didn't really want to give birth to another child (Godsis is no. 3), probably because they didn't have time and resources to take care of her. Then Godma said she could help to take care. And then they really take care until become their own kid sia. She told me Godpa took Godsis to school every day.
See la. Now she closer to Godparents than her own parents. There are consequences. You cannot expect other people to take care of your child all the time, and still expect your child to be so close to you.
Ok. So 意思浅浅. Godsis and I are different because she spent most of her time at their house.
And I'm supposed to accept this difference. I know la. More time spent together = closer bond.
On the other hand, I still can't help but feel sad, right? They have 3 goddaughters but I think they actually only need the youngest one. I really 眼不见为净. If I'm not there to see it, I won't be as affected, I hope.
It's not like I didn't want to visit more often???? I'm not the one living next door to them.
Fuck. Am I going to cry every time after a visit to their house now?
After the previous visit, I was hoping that Godma would be less biased than Godpa, but now... I don't know.
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