Today morning, Mummy flew to Penang to for my Ah Ma's wake, so my Er Gu Zhang is staying at my house while she's away, to ensure Daddy won't starve or fall down. Bcos I go to school until quite late.
Oh yeah, lemme digress a bit first. I had my LSM3211 CA1 today, and although I didn't finish studying, I felt that it was so much better than last sem. What's different is that I tried harder to study this time, and yesterday night, I managed to stop myself from watching the latest episodes of 2D1N and 稍息立正我爱你! I know the proper thing to do is to finish studying, but I really did improve from last sem. For that, I need to praise myself, encourage myself, pat myself, because I learned that scolding myself is just going to discourage me. I have been a bad student since secondary school, and I think I've improved the most in this period of time. I am a perfectionist. I am not praising myself, because that's not a good thing. My brain used to turn off every time the content became difficult; I tried to pay attention to lecturers but I couldn't absorb nor understand anything. Usually, when that happens, what people should do is to study at home and try to catch up. But I am not a consistent worker, neither am I now, but I think I'm improving a little. I procrastinate because when I think of the long list of things I have to do, I dread doing or even starting on them. So I scraped through midterms without studying properly. Then, at the end of the sem, schoolwork piled up like a mountain, and I dreaded more. I realised the reading week is totally insufficient to cram all the content from 5 modules into my head. I dreaded even more. And guess what? I usually start studying the day before the exam. Ever since I came to uni, I realised I wasn't actually that smart to pass my modules without studying. I had done the same last minute cramming from secondary school to JC, and I scraped through. But not in university. It requires hard work. I realised that it is really very important to just do a little bit at a time. Let me quote Xiang Ren, he said sth like this to me, "You can't eat the whole pizza at once. You eat it bite by bite." That makes perfect sense, and it sounds so simple, but it's hard to do. To me, everything already feels better; I think I absorb more during lectures this sem, but I really can't understand Prof Gong's part in LSM4228!!!!!!! I am scared. But I will try. I shall try. I can do this.
Back to what I wanted to say (rant), I collected an envelope from our letterbox. Daddy opened it, asked me what it was. What I was thinking: what the heck? never see electricity bill before meh? But EGZ was right there. I curbed my bad temper, and said 电费 nicely x3. Then Daddy raised his voice at me cos he still doesn't understand. THEN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I SHOUTED BACK AT HIM IN MY HOARSE VOICE: "我没有声音啦！！！！！！！！！" Fk. =.= I hate his bad temper. It makes me unleash my bad temper monster very easily. The qualities I look for in my future partner definitely include a good temper and lots of patience.
One of the things I hate the most: GETTING ACCUSED/MALIGNED OVER SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO OR STH THAT WASN'T MY FAULT.
So I got super pissed, and I went into my room, laid on the floor and cried for over 10 minutes. Yes, I am a crybaby. And that is my weak spot. If I feel wronged/委屈, I CRY NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS.
I still remember in St Nicks, my form teacher forced everyone of us to collect at least $5 donation to school for its upgrading. But truth be told, I didn't like my school, and I didn't like how they prioritised the sports CCAs over Arts CCAs. The Chinese Orchestra shared a room with the Symphonic Band, and it was squeezy af. All in all, I just didn't like my school enough to donate my five dollars. I only donated $2. But Mrs Rosaline ? (I forgot her surname) just wouldn't let it go. Now that I think about it, I highly suspect that the higher ups required them to at least obtain a certain amount of donations. Yeah, so I ended up crying in front of the whole class, looking like a stingy person... which I probably am because I'm Hakka, and it's in my blood. But I usually remind myself to not be stingy, and that means spending money where I should. But in this case, I just wasn't willing to give my money to a cause that I didn't support, so I don't think I was wrong at all. I bought tickets for CVD without having people coercing me into buying. Elite schools and I just do not get along at all. I love AIPS and YJC, but I hated SNGS and TJC. Somehow the people in neighbourhood schools are more easygoing. I loved how the girls from my class in pri school went for recess together. Our whole class was bonded, and we were friends with one another. SNGS and TJC, I couldn't click with most of the people there. Only a few exceptions. Maybe 3. Idk what went wrong. My experience in St Nicks made me wear a mask, and now I have this bad habit of laughing at everything even though it isn't funny. YJC... well I couldn't click well with the people in Council, but I love my class. :)
Okay, so that's most of my complaints. My mum isn't here, so I can't complain to her about my dad. So I needed an outage... I mean outlet. I had to Google that word just now bcos I forgot. Me and my limited vocabulary. Anyway, yes, that's why I am posting on this inactive blog of mine. Goodnight.
UPDATE: He apologised to me next morning! He has never apologised. :O Made me feel a lot better
Oh yeah, lemme digress a bit first. I had my LSM3211 CA1 today, and although I didn't finish studying, I felt that it was so much better than last sem. What's different is that I tried harder to study this time, and yesterday night, I managed to stop myself from watching the latest episodes of 2D1N and 稍息立正我爱你! I know the proper thing to do is to finish studying, but I really did improve from last sem. For that, I need to praise myself, encourage myself, pat myself, because I learned that scolding myself is just going to discourage me. I have been a bad student since secondary school, and I think I've improved the most in this period of time. I am a perfectionist. I am not praising myself, because that's not a good thing. My brain used to turn off every time the content became difficult; I tried to pay attention to lecturers but I couldn't absorb nor understand anything. Usually, when that happens, what people should do is to study at home and try to catch up. But I am not a consistent worker, neither am I now, but I think I'm improving a little. I procrastinate because when I think of the long list of things I have to do, I dread doing or even starting on them. So I scraped through midterms without studying properly. Then, at the end of the sem, schoolwork piled up like a mountain, and I dreaded more. I realised the reading week is totally insufficient to cram all the content from 5 modules into my head. I dreaded even more. And guess what? I usually start studying the day before the exam. Ever since I came to uni, I realised I wasn't actually that smart to pass my modules without studying. I had done the same last minute cramming from secondary school to JC, and I scraped through. But not in university. It requires hard work. I realised that it is really very important to just do a little bit at a time. Let me quote Xiang Ren, he said sth like this to me, "You can't eat the whole pizza at once. You eat it bite by bite." That makes perfect sense, and it sounds so simple, but it's hard to do. To me, everything already feels better; I think I absorb more during lectures this sem, but I really can't understand Prof Gong's part in LSM4228!!!!!!! I am scared. But I will try. I shall try. I can do this.
Back to what I wanted to say (rant), I collected an envelope from our letterbox. Daddy opened it, asked me what it was. What I was thinking: what the heck? never see electricity bill before meh? But EGZ was right there. I curbed my bad temper, and said 电费 nicely x3. Then Daddy raised his voice at me cos he still doesn't understand. THEN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I SHOUTED BACK AT HIM IN MY HOARSE VOICE: "我没有声音啦！！！！！！！！！" Fk. =.= I hate his bad temper. It makes me unleash my bad temper monster very easily. The qualities I look for in my future partner definitely include a good temper and lots of patience.
One of the things I hate the most: GETTING ACCUSED/MALIGNED OVER SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO OR STH THAT WASN'T MY FAULT.
So I got super pissed, and I went into my room, laid on the floor and cried for over 10 minutes. Yes, I am a crybaby. And that is my weak spot. If I feel wronged/委屈, I CRY NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS.
I still remember in St Nicks, my form teacher forced everyone of us to collect at least $5 donation to school for its upgrading. But truth be told, I didn't like my school, and I didn't like how they prioritised the sports CCAs over Arts CCAs. The Chinese Orchestra shared a room with the Symphonic Band, and it was squeezy af. All in all, I just didn't like my school enough to donate my five dollars. I only donated $2. But Mrs Rosaline ? (I forgot her surname) just wouldn't let it go. Now that I think about it, I highly suspect that the higher ups required them to at least obtain a certain amount of donations. Yeah, so I ended up crying in front of the whole class, looking like a stingy person... which I probably am because I'm Hakka, and it's in my blood. But I usually remind myself to not be stingy, and that means spending money where I should. But in this case, I just wasn't willing to give my money to a cause that I didn't support, so I don't think I was wrong at all. I bought tickets for CVD without having people coercing me into buying. Elite schools and I just do not get along at all. I love AIPS and YJC, but I hated SNGS and TJC. Somehow the people in neighbourhood schools are more easygoing. I loved how the girls from my class in pri school went for recess together. Our whole class was bonded, and we were friends with one another. SNGS and TJC, I couldn't click with most of the people there. Only a few exceptions. Maybe 3. Idk what went wrong. My experience in St Nicks made me wear a mask, and now I have this bad habit of laughing at everything even though it isn't funny. YJC... well I couldn't click well with the people in Council, but I love my class. :)
Okay, so that's most of my complaints. My mum isn't here, so I can't complain to her about my dad. So I needed an outage... I mean outlet. I had to Google that word just now bcos I forgot. Me and my limited vocabulary. Anyway, yes, that's why I am posting on this inactive blog of mine. Goodnight.
UPDATE: He apologised to me next morning! He has never apologised. :O Made me feel a lot better
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