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Hi. I'm typing from hall right now. It's 1.02am now, and later tonight we'll be having ENCORES aka Combined Hall Ensemble Concert.

Ytd was bump-in day, and Shannon said our Dance Macabre was "going to fall apart any time" so we had extra last minute practice until 11.30pm. I'm a bit sad because I couldn't play the fast quaver staccatos on my erhu properly. Mine were uneven and not detached, because my up bow and down bow are uneven. :( But Hao Yang can do it. So it's been decided that I won't be playing the staccato parts. When I said "Okay I don't play.", Zhen Ning said "A little piece in her just broke." It's true. I hadn't expected to feel like this. I haven't been practising enough. I feel like I've just been merely hoping to pass everything in my life. I have higher expectations for myself, but I just don't put in a corresponding amount of effort. Sigh. I didn't have enough self practice during sec sch, JC, and this is what I get.

On a happier note, I asked Kok Soon aka Salad Boy to teach me the violin! I was slightly shocked when he told me his violin was $20 000 ($^$), turned out to be ringgit, which is around S$8000+ last time? Still expensive, but at least I can play his violin without being too scared, haha. It's SO DIFFICULT to hold the bow, and use it. I'm supposed to use my thumb, index and pinky to support the bow. And after playing about 3 songs of 'Happy birthday' difficulty, my right pinky felt twisted, and it now hurts to press the 'Enter' button with it. Both Shannon and KS have told me to relax my hand/arm/shoulder, but I don't know how!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW?! I feel like I can't relax, yet hold the bow properly. I REALLY WANT A VIOLIN... I want to buy the Synwin Handmade Violin ($363.80). Not sure if it comes with a bow; a student violin bow is $26.75. Hope to buy it soonnnnn. Had fun exchanging instruments with KS during transition rehearsals haha.

Oh yeah, and I gave him that nickname because he only eats salads for his meals. Can't imagine how I would survive on salads alone. He said it's because he wants to avoid toxic hunger, and experience real hunger. And veggies and fruits help us to not go through toxic hunger. :/ ... The simple explanation is just that salads are healthy. Hah! I really think I'm not a picky eater, and I eat almost everything. I dislike capsicums, but I eat them anyway... I always whine about the capsicums my mum puts in the salad, but I still eat them together with the fruits to make it more tolerable. But I really cannot eat salad every single meal. Oh my tian. I'm impressed yet horrified at his discipline. I like meat too much T.T sorry animals... I'll try to cut down on my meat eating.


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WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN?! WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MYSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE? I'm so sorry mummy. You're always so hardworking to raise me, but I never studied hard. Now my lab report is going to be late. Why do I always regret only when it's too late, but I repeat it again and again every time even though I know the consequences? I really hope this is the last time. Do not repeat your mistakes please Huai Tian. I feel so exhausted at my own behaviour and how I always give in to watching shows until I'm right before the deadline. Why am I like that? I even went to visit the counsellor. Why can't I change? I feel so bad for my mum... that she only has one daughter but I turned out like this. Please. I want to pull back my grades back up. PLEASE